Moms do the most "Mom-Shaming"

Moms do the most "Mom-Shamming"

As a first-time mom, I don’t know how many times I’ve had other moms frown at me for how I chose to do things for my then baby, she is a toddler now. Mom-shaming is real...

Moms cast the biggest shame on other moms

A friend of mine is expecting her first child and during our conversation she casually mentioned, she would not be breastfeeding her baby. As a mom to a two-year-old girl, I was appalled. My immediate response was to talk her out of it. I did my best to convince her of the benefits hoping she would reconsider her choice. I made it about me and not once did I stop to check why she had come to that decision. 

Moms with kids think they know all things parenthood

For a while, I felt I knew everything there was to know about babies, well particularly toddlers. My daughter is two- years old; do you see where I am going? And yes I know everything about my child especially the terrible two’s we are going through. We forget as moms that our experiences will not be the same as the next mom. 

Although it comes naturally to want to share mom stories and little tips on things that have worked for you when you were raising your children but advise is all it must be. The problem starts when the said methods/advice are deemed the only way to do things it gets worse when they are enforced on other people.

You don’t have to take every advice you get

My toddler mom friend recently gave me a call to check what multivitamins I gave Ari, to get perspective and guidance on what to use for her girl. As a mom, you quickly realise that raising a child takes a village indeed. Research, advise and support from family and friends are crucial to keep a level head. And because we want what’s best for our kids we naturally want to give them just that. 

I have learnt to give advice and to share my mom challenges and wins without the expectation of moms using what I give to them. What you do, how you do it for your child is good enough. There is no perfect way to raise a child we are doing what works/suits our kids. Children are different, your advice might work for someone and at the same time be redundant for my child. It’s important to do what speaks to you…

We learn as we go

I am raising a girl who challenges me to my very core. I don’t know how many times I’ve made mistakes but I tell myself I will do better tomorrow. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning and at the verge of losing my mind. It’s so easy to lose yourself in the drama of being a working mom, and a wife. I think what works for me is understanding that I am not perfect at all and because of that I will make mistakes. I have learnt to find my method of doing things. As she grows I am learning and she is doing just as much. 

The reality is that we don’t see eye to eye

We have different influences in life and they are what drive us to do or act in the way we do. It’s no surprise that we would want to do things a little different from any other mom. I think at some point in my Mommy journey I was a mom-shamer. I only realised when I felt the other moms were being unfair towards me. I was casting stones while I comfortably sat in my glasshouse. This article expleains mom-shaming and why it exists. 

I would love to hear from you, please share your mom-shaming story below.

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