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Worrying will never stop!


When she came back from creche I immediately saw that she was not 100% but I brushed it off as tiredness or maybe hunger. One thing about my girl is that she loves her food and mostly her bottle. After bath time I tried to feed her, she refused so I thought I would try after five minutes but we had no luck.

She started being irritable, crying and being clingy. She refused to eat and eventually settled for her bottle she drank all 180 ml of it. I was happy because it meant she would calm down and sleep. But she slept for all of 30 minutes and woke up like she was being beaten up and started crying. How she cried is what alarmed me. It was more of a pleading, painful torture cry. My heart felt like it was being wrenched from my chest when her cries included “mama, mama” then she would change and cry “papa papa” almost as though she was pleading for us to help her.

One of the first things I do when Ari is sick is to check if she has a fever or not. I checked and she felt fine no heat at all but being sure is key, so I checked with a thermometer and it was normal. My girl kept at it with the ears so I thought maybe that was the problem but she showed no other symptoms of an ear infection. No mom wants to see their little one in pain and if there was a way of taking the pain then I definitely would. She would go from my arms to her dads almost as though it got better when she moved between us. Just yesterday she was screaming and laughing talking to herself and the wall in a language only she understood. Looking at her I didn’t see the energetic girl from yesterday, she was weak and sad.

I had a habit of wanting to rush to the emergency room whenever something wasn’t okay with our girl but I have improved. I am a lot stronger now, I guess it has to do with the fact that Ari has been okay lately with the occasional cough and runny nose but nothing that would need a doctor. When your child is sick you feel pain , it hurts more when you don’t know what the problem is you start imagining and creating scenarios that only drive you over the edge.

My aunts are nurses with a pediatric background so I would call them when I had a problem concerning her just to bounce ideas on someone, it helps sometimes but the last time I did that my aunt was ready to jump into the next flight and I had called way past a decent hour to call anyone. Must be the wailing she heard over the phone and me barely holding my tears that scared her. I don’t call now I seek help then call when I can give a clear story, I figured it must be very stressful and scary for the next person especially because we are a good couple of hours from each other.

The doctors’ diagnosis was that she is constipated after checking her ex-ray, giving us a syrup, and a pill to stop the vomiting and finally prescribing some medication. You know sometimes as parents when your child is sick you create a big problem/ diagnosis in your head so when you get the correct one you almost want to ask “are you sure doctor?” with little or no medical background we dare to question doctors…I blame it on the Mama Bear effect always wanting to protect, defend and make everything better. In my case the crying persisted when we got home even after the medication…such a scary moment.

Being in the hospital makes me nervous its the smell of the hospital, seeing other injured people in the emergency room, the machines and the entire hospital environment. I think the worst is having an over-friendly nurse attend to you I always wonder if she is trying to make me feel better so I don’t realize how serious we have it or if she genuinely is just a very nice person. And seeing my girl on the hospital bed takes me back to when she was sick and we stayed for 4 nights and 5 days yes I remember every single minute of them…let me tell you everything about a hospital makes you appreciate your home, the bed, the food, and a good shower or bath. It’s something I wouldn’t want to go through again…well if I had a choice that is!

If you are not satisfied with the diagnosis you get Mommy then seek a second opinion. The worst thing would be to sit with a sick child with the wrong medication and a frustrated Mom. After getting a second opinion Ari is better, but I still need a minute or two to really calm down.


Love Ari’s Mommy…with a heavy heart