A first-time mom dealing with her "Mom Guilt"
As an expectant mom, you go through so many emotions and changes. Then you deal with the "new member" into the family which takes some getting used too. Once they start growing, there are many other challenges that parents are faced with and for me, it's mom guilt.
Am I giving my toddler enough of my attention?
My toddler has so much energy most days I worry that she is on a sugar high even when she isn't. Lately, she is always demanding my attention and has progressed to grabbing my hand to follow her to where ever her newest discovery is. I will admit that following her or giving her attention becomes challenging especially when I am fixated on whatever I am busy with at the time. When everything has settled down or the day has come to an end that is when I start reflecting on my day, worrying if I was too dismissive with her, whether or not I gave her enough attention or if I took a minute to hug her.
I worry that I may be saying “no” all the time
My daughter has just learnt that if she used her chair she can reach those high places she couldn’t before. This is good strategical thinking on her side and a complete nightmare for us because she can grab things in the fridge now, she can reach the sink and the scariest so far is that she can climb over the couches. I am constantly saying “No”, “get off that chair” but it’s mostly no, no, no and then I worry that I am always saying “No” or if I screamed too much that day.
Is my work getting in between me spending time with my child?
Working from home is the worst because all kids see is Mom/Dad being home with them. In their minds anytime is playtime but for you every minute counts which means putting extra effort on simple tasks. The whole prospect of work becomes impossible especially if you have younger kids. Then you get the never-ending questions that flood your mind…Am I putting work before my child(ren), wouldn’t it be better if I was there with them during bedtime, maybe I should work when they are asleep, am I a bad mom for being away so much? And the million-dollar question, “is my child feeling neglected or will they feel it once they are grown”.
I am guilty of bribing my way out of a tantrum with my toddler
Since my daughter turned two-years-old her tantrums have become unbearable. She does not need a reason to pull a stunt; it could be because she wants to watch her favourite cartoons, Munki and Trunk or that she wants to eat her food with a fork and not a spoon. The tantrums are so bad that I have anxiety about going shopping with her because we never know when she can throw one. So I get her a little treat to help us get through the whole shopping experience while I secretly put away all the items she collected throughout the aisles as we were shopping, it works like a charm…well at least for now!
A little “mommy and child” time can put a smile on your little ones face
There is no ideal way of doing things as a parent it’s all about doing what works for your child because your best is good enough as a parent. Sometimes we spend so much time busy with other things and forget the little humans who are eager for playtime and all its laughter-filled moments. So I have decided that my sink with dirty dishes, my messy house and the laundry can all wait, there is no rush to do them. So I can use those extra moments to spend time playing and giving all my attention to my girl. All she wants to know is that she is seen and loved.
Getting through the mom/dad guilt and being the parent your child(ren) need
As parents, we carry so much mom/dad guilt for things we want to do for our kids, and guilt for what we are unable to do for them. it could be because as a parent you would like to spend more time with your kids, not to let the kids watch a lot of TV, not to yell as much as you do, it could be anything. The truth is that being a parent is a challenging journey and we do the best we can as individuals.
So many moms go through the hardship of mom-shaming for how they choose to raise their children. The truth is, there will always be a challenge to overcome. As a parent it's important to do what works for you and your child. Be content with the parent you are to your child(ren), be attentive to their needs, and make time for playtime; it makes a big difference in their day when mom/dad play with them. Some parents can't make playtime all the time but when you do, make it count! Invest in making Mom happy because a happy Mom is the best mom a child could ever ask for.
To help with some of that mom guilt you may be carrying around or trying to work through, have a look at this article on how to stop beating yourself up.
“Mom/Dad guilt can become toxic when ignored, it's crucial to address the root cause of the guilt before any damage is done".
Ari's Momie ♥