I'm anxious to have baby number two

I am happy that we are having a second baby, but I am also terrified. It's the whole going from being a mom of one to being a mom of two babies under five years. I am anxious, overwhelmed and excited all at the same time!

I'm having a scheduled C-section for baby number two. 

We had a birth plan for our first pregnancy. Or should I say we tried as much as possible to prepare? The hope was to have an epidural and, ultimately, a natural birth. As a first-time mom, I did not know what to expect, but I tried to plan as best as possible.

I had my first contraction when I was forty weeks while walking in the mall. I did not know it was a contraction - since it was my first pregnancy. Nevertheless, I knew it would be something that would knock me off my feet when it came. Sure enough, it did! 

Our baby girl was born via an emergency C-section. She was in distress and needed to come out ASAP. So the natural birth we had planned didn't happen because things rarely go the way we plan them. We had not emotionally prepared for the C-section. It all happened too fast. I barely had time to grasp anything before our daughter was born. She was 3.2kg and the most adorable baby.

We are having a scheduled C-section with this baby (baby number two). I have an idea of what will happen and what to expect since it will be my second procedure. However, I am still nervous, it's a significant operation, and the healing process can be challenging. 

Will we manage with two kids financially?  

I had just lost my job when my daughter was born. It was such a scary time for us to depend on one salary with an additional family member. Somehow, we made it happen. We found our rhythm, and things started falling into place.

I later got a job, and life went on as though we had had our girl for the longest time. It's funny how much we worried before our daughter was born. Now, we can't imagine life without her. Of course, we could not have done it without the support of our families. Our village! 

We recently moved to the Free State with our toddler. It's a whole new environment and a lot of adapting that we need to do. We will be a family of four, with two small kids. 

But will we cope financially?

I am worried about what to expect with baby number two.

I will be frank and say I had no idea what we were doing when we first had our daughter. We were winging it half the time. Parenting is trial and error, and no one thing is the same. The baby books and advice you get can only offer so much information or assistance. 

Will I love this baby as much as I love my daughter? 

Will they be a difficult child? 

Will my daughter be happy with her sister/brother?

I have a list of questions and fears running through my mind all the time. I am also worried I may not be consumed with an overflowing feeling of affection when I meet my second baby. 

I am worried I may not be consumed with an overflowing feeling of affection when I meet baby number two.

I don't want my relationship with my firstborn to change after baby number two is born.

It took me a while to get into the "mom role". I spent too much time worrying if I was doing a good job. I secretly expected someone to call me out on all I did. When I got over my guilt and anxiety, my relationship with my daughter grew into a beautiful bond filled with understanding for my tiny human. Sure enough, some days are easier than others are, but we take every single tantrum as it comes.

When we found out, we were having a second baby. I tried to imagine how life as a family of four would be. I am so used to having my girl as the only child. I will need to adjust myself to the idea of having two kids demanding our attention and love. It will take some time! 

I want my daughter to be the child she is, to cry sometimes (for nothing really), to climb onto mommy's lap occasionally and to be a toddler.

My biggest wish is for my daughter to accept the new family member, but at the same time, I want her to know she is also an essential member of the family. I don't want her to feel neglected, although I know my relationship with her will never be what it used to be. 

I want her to be a three-year-old that will need hugs, cuddles and kisses from her mommy, eveng6 6 with a baby brother/sister. I do not doubt that it will be a challenge for our family, but we found our rhythm before with our firstborn daughter. We will find it again as a family of four. 

 All my love